Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
