If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
