Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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