hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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