I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
