Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
