Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
