we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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