In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
