I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
