Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
