dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
