We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
