And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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