if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
