someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
