i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found a bag of teeth...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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