Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
