Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
soo... how was my night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
