Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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