nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
