just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
