I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
