y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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