party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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