Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
