It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
