she woke up with a sticky ear
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
