Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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