I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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