Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't deserve a penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
