Just mADE A PArabola og urine
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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