There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
