Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
