I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
