he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
