Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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