Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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