end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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