I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I met the friendliest cop last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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