also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize