i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
