When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
