If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
