I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
