Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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