should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
