I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
