So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
