FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
