Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors

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(214): View more from Texas

Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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(909): View more from California

The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.

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(713): View more from Texas

Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth

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(701): View more from North Dakota

You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..

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(801): View more from Utah

I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF

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