I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
