I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Let's get the cat blown out
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
