I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
