You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
