i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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