Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
