WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
