If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
