I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
