You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
