I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
