Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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