Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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