At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
