3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
