So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
