so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
