forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
