Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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