I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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