Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
