Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
