dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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