he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
