After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
