Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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