Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
